A man sentenced to two years, less a day after being convicted of sexual assault in Superior Court in Cobourg on Wednesday, October 18, 2018 spent approximately four hours behind bars before being released pending an appeal.
The man in his mid 30’s was convicted of sexual assault but not guilty of chocking the victim by a jury on July 5, 2018.
The assault happened during the evening of May 21, 2016 through to the early hours of May 22, 2016 in the man’s residence.
Before sentencing Crown Attorney Deirdre Bryant said in her submissions, “this event has changed her life completely. Nothing happens today can change her,” she told Superior Court Justice Christopher Corkery.
Defense attorney Alan Risen stated his client has always maintained his innocence.
“(The) verdict of jury came as a shock,” said Risen.
Justice Corkery said, “the issue was always consent. Listening to the juries findings of guilt (the victim) did not consent with profound consequences.”
“As a society we continue to appreciate the profound consequences of sexual assault.”
The victim (whose name is protected by a publication ban) read a five page detailed victim impact of how the assault has impacted her life.
During her reading the Justice Corkery did not take his eyes off of the victim listening intently to every word, while in contrast the convicted man would at times shake his head and almost seemed bored.
‘I assure you, I listened to everything,” said Justice Corkery said to the victim at the conclusion of her reading the statement.
The sentencing was a joint submission by both the Crown and Defence with the Superior Court judge agreeing.
The man was sentenced to two years less a day, followed by three years probation, attend counselling as directed, no contact with the victim, DNA order, mandatory sex offender registry and a weapons prohibition.
But just hours after being sentenced and taken into custody, the man appeared for a bail hearing and was freed on strict conditions pending the outcome of the appeal.
Below is the Victim Impact Statement in it’s entirety
Who I Used To Be – A Survivors’ Story
I am standing here before you all today because I want to share a tragic life changing experience with you to shine a light onto a topic that is very horrific in hopes that it will change the way that society treats, perceives and understands these types of situations better. That, maybe the world will recognize that this DOES happen and that we as a society, we as humanity need to address this ongoing problem with our world.
I knew this really sweet girl for my entire life right up to the night she died, I was even with her as she took her last breath. She was a beautiful soul, always brightening everyone’s day with her big heart, smiles and her contagious laugh. She had many friends of both genders and was very close with them, they were her family. She’d always greet them with a big warm smile and a bear hug. She was a very affectionate and loving woman; she was always putting everyone else first in her life, no matter what. She had this love for life and humanity that you don’t see often in this world. She loved meeting new people and seeing life through their eyes. Her friends would always tell her that she was too nice, even when others didn’t return her kindness, that’s just the kind of person she was.
As she went through life, she carried this love with her, No matter what life threw at her, she was always happy, optimistic and never backed down from anything. She always used to think and say that everything happens for a reason and there is always something to learn from every situation and each person you encounter in life.
She was an amazing mother to her little boy, he almost didn’t make it but he had his mothers’ will to live and strength to pull through. He was her world; she raised him to be a loving, compassionate, kind and loving boy and they were inseparable. All of her friends say that he is a mirror image of her personality, love, kindness and trust in people; always seeing the goodness in humanity. Everyone told her that, THAT was her greatest gift and it was also her weakness; that she trust and love people to a fault.
Every photo I look back on now, she was always with her son, her friends and her family always laughing and smiling. No matter what others were feeling, they couldn’t help but smile and laugh just by being around her. There was this sparkle in her eyes that always broke through cloudy skies and the darkest storms.
She worked in the (took out as to not identify) industry and got along with everyone and she was always learning from all the (people). It’s not a typical job for a woman but she had such an interest she seemed to fit in perfectly. Most of her co-workers and clients were men but she never had any trust issues and no concerns for her safety. She just had a way with interacting with people, it didn’t matter the setting, the gender or how long she had known someone; it just came so naturally to her.
She was a social butterfly, always driving around, with her son and friends listening to music, going to the beach, shopping centres, always on some kind of adventure. Some of her dearest closest friends were men and they’d go for drives in the city, go to social events or just sit at the local coffee shop chatting over tea and coffee. Her friends were always laughing at her saying, “is there anyone you don’t know?“ because everywhere she went, she was always saying hi to someone, catching up with them. She was an amazing friend and loved each one of them and would do anything for them. They always called her (name removed) because she was always looking out for them, always there for everyone. It didn’t matter if it was an upset friend in the middle of the night calling, someone needing a ride or someone just needing an ear to listen and a voice talking them through hard times. Her son always came first and friends and family second. She was always taking care of everyone and wouldn’t let anyone take care of her. She was very independent and prided herself for it, even to a fault as well.
She had a passion for music and was always going to concerts. She loved being a part of big crowds, being one of many voices singing and cheering on the bands. She loved writing poetry, stories and even song lyrics. She had so many passions and believed and stood for so many things. She believed her voice was going to make a difference, that one day she may be a part of a movement or that her voice would be one in many to make a positive change in this world we live in. Then the evening of May 21st 2016 through to the early hours of May 22nd 2016 happened. All of her best qualities that made her so incredible; her trust in people, her faith in humanity, always believing in and seeing the best in everyone, her smiles and laughter, her easiness to interact with people, all lead her to the night she was sexually assaulted; the night the girl I used to be died.
Immediately following the assault, I had to disclose what happened to my best friend, and decide on what to do about it. I then made the decision to report it to the police and had to describe in detail what I experienced that night. For the first time in my life I rode in the back of the police cruiser to go to the hospital to have a sexual assault examination done. I had to retell the horrific events to a nurse; a complete stranger as she examined my body like I was an object for any damages and swabs; inside and out. It was degrading, humiliating and extremely painful. I was so scared and still in shock, my best friend came with me for support and sat in the room holding my hand through it all. I was then given a concoction of antibiotics in case I contracted any sexually transmitted infections which made me severely ill for weeks and had to keep going back to the nurse to be routinely tested for any infections. I was also given Plan B to prevent the chance of pregnancy. From the hospital I went to the police station where I had to complete a video statement and disclose AGAIN every gruesome, traumatic details of my assault. I was in so much physical pain, it was painful to use the washroom, even painful to walk.
The following weeks and months were unbearable; emotionally, psychologically and physically. My entire life, everything I believed in, hoped in all crumbled and all that was left was a broken, empty shell of a woman. I could barely function on my own and I knew I wouldn’t have been able to take care of my son the way he needed me to, so for 3 weeks he stayed with family. I spoke to him on the phone and had to lie; saying that I was very sick and couldn’t look after him. I cried every time I spoke to him as all I wanted was for him to be at home with me, to hug him, take him to the park; to be his mom and I couldn’t even leave my home. He’d tell me how much he missed me and loved me and that if he was there with me he’d put a movie on and cuddle on the couch with me because that’s what I do to make him feel better when he was sick. He was six years old.
The thought of leaving the safety of my home; my sanctuary from anyone who would hurt me and being in a public place brought on so much anxiety and fear that I would instantly throw up, shaking and crying. The thought of going out and “being normal”, interacting with friends and acquaintances like nothing happened made me scared to leave my house. I honestly didn’t want to live; I did not want to carry this with me like a shadow through the rest of my life. I was betrayed and manipulated, brutally hurt and abused in a way specific to my gender.
Each time I would shower, I would wash my skin until it was almost raw because I could still feel and smell HIM on my skin. I had difficulty sleeping and if I would finally drift off, I’d wake up screaming in a sweat pleading and begging for HIM to stop. It would take me a couple of minutes to wake up and realize it was only a dream that I was in fact safe at home. That is the first time I have ever suffered from night terrors; I was constantly reliving the brutal details of the assault every night in my sleep so vividly it was hard to tell the night terror from reality. Most of the time I would force myself to stay awake for as long as possible to avoid the night terrors, I was lucky if I was getting 2-3 hours of broken sleep a night.
I’d try to go out, convince myself that I was ok, that I could do it. I would get in my car and sit in my driveway for hours unable to leave. What if I saw HIM? What if I saw someone who looks like HIM? I didn’t want to take the risk so I’d turn off my car and go back into my house. I had no idea how to keep going, how to live a life like I used to before I was sexually assaulted.
I had to call my employer and tell them what had happened and that I was unable to work. I was told how “unpleasant” that must have been and how this has created a large inconvenience for them and made me feel guilty for taking time off. I felt guilty needing some time off of work to heal and cope with a crime that was committed against ME, something that someone did to me against my will and had no control over. Unpleasant? … Having a common cold is unpleasant, having your car break down is unpleasant and inconvenient; what I survived was the most traumatic, scariest night of my life.
I remember the day I finally worked up enough courage to leave the comfort and safety of my home and go out. I was a ball nerves; terrified to see anyone. I went into the local coffee shop in town; the one I grew up in and spent so much of my time in and I was nervous. I remember standing in line sweating and shaking and looking over my shoulders. There was a group of men sitting at a table and they were looking at me and I could only think of 2 things; one that they knew and two, they want what HE wanted. There was a man that was standing behind me a little too close for my comfort and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. It sent me into a spiraling panic attack as it triggered flash backs of HIS breath on my neck. I ran out to my car and drove straight home. That is when I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxiety. I was diagnosed with something that people who are in the military are diagnosed with. I still suffer with this today.
I had lost all trust in men, even my dearest oldest friends; I couldn’t even speak to them. I couldn’t get together with them at the coffee shop, couldn’t even be near any man. I didn’t trust anyone, I felt as though they only want from me what HE wanted and they will take it just like HE did. HE had manipulated me into thinking that I was safe with him and that I could trust him and he broke me, they’ll do the same. I would attempt to go to the grocery store and I’d see a man who looked like HIM, or who used to same cologne as HIM or a man would accidentally bump into me in the isles all of which would trigger my anxiety and flash back and I’d have to leave. I couldn’t see how I could ever be able to function like I used to, to “act normal” ever again. I still suffer with this. My friendships were strained and some were lost because of this. I wasn’t answering phone calls from family or friends as I didn’t even know what to say, I didn’t want anyone to know. I was so ashamed of what I lived through even though I wasn’t to blame for it. I couldn’t accept visitors from anyone and if it was a male friend, I texted them from my locked bedroom door asking them to go away. It was hurting both them and me but I had lost all my faith in humanity, in the world, I had no control anymore.
I started forcing myself to go out every day until I felt comfortable enough to somewhat make it through the flashbacks, triggers and anxiety so that my son could come home. As soon as he saw me he ran up and gave me the biggest hug but I could only return it for a minute before I had a panic attack. Yes, even MY OWN SON’S hands on me triggered me as they were still hands and arms of a male. To this day he has my sense of humor and we used to always play pranks on each other. Jumping out from a wall and scaring each other or sneaking up behind one another, start tickle fights, but all of that came to an abrupt halt because they were instant triggers me and I didn’t want him to see the fallout. I had lost the way to be his mom, to laugh and smile like we used to, I couldn’t handle being touched by anyone, not even from my mother or my son. It was gotten easier but I still struggle with this.
I was no longer the social butterfly I used to be, I wasn’t able to go to functions, concerts or anywhere where there were large crowds. I’d be so anxious and scared; looking over my shoulder, trying to maintain enough personal space for comfort, the men around me were drinking alcohol which was also a trigger, I couldn’t enjoy it. It was exhausting and disheartening; I lost my enjoyment in everything that I used to love and didn’t want to do any of it. I felt as though I was running on auto pilot. If I did manage to get some sleep, I’d wake up, get dressed, get my son ready for school, drop him off, come home and just go back to bed. I’d then go get pick him up, make dinner, help him with his schoolwork, do laundry, help him get ready for bed and then lay awake for as long as possible each night and repeat the next day. My will to live, my love for life died that night. I felt I was only good for what people wanted or needed from me; all I saw was all the bad in the world, I couldn’t see the good. I would look in the mirror and not recognize the woman looking back at me; all I saw and still see are damaged goods. The sparkle in my eyes; the smiles and laughter, the optimism, all of it was gone.
My mind still races all the time, going through the events of that night, asking myself why me? Why did this happen? Why wasn’t NO enough? What did I do to deserve such a heinous thing done to me? … NO ONE deserves it, no one deserves what I lived through and continue to do so in result of that night. Victim Services provided me with 1 year or 10 free sessions of counselling; whichever came first. TEN sessions of help for something that has taken me over 2 years to work through and cope with the triggers, flashbacks, night terrors, the trauma and all the other psychological and emotional effect it has on all aspects of my life and I still continue to work through it all.
I tried returning to work but there were too many triggers; I had to take a medical leave of absence. When that ran out, I could not return to that job so I decided to start fresh and I attained a new job. I struggled every day at my new place of employment as my superiors were all male. I had to take time off from work for court meetings, hearings and a preliminary trial and I ended up losing that job in result of the time off that I needed for all of this. I was no longer feeling like a contributing member of society; I was feeling useless like a waste of skin. I didn’t want to do any of it anymore; the ONLY thing keeping me going was my son. Seeing his happy smile, hearing his contagious laugh, watching him grow into a loving and compassionate young man; he needed his mom and that superseded everything. I started slowly being social and going to coffee shops with fiends but could not give or receive hugs or be in close physical proximity of any man. To this day I still struggle being touched by a man, being too close to them physically, even as something as little as a hug.
It ruined relationships for me and meeting new people. I had convinced myself that I was going to die alone because I couldn’t fathom the idea of trusting a man, being close to a man let alone being intimate with a man ever again. If I wanted to try meeting someone, I had to be open and explain the assault; to relive it again, explain the triggers, night terrors, anxiety and my apprehension with physical contact and intimacy. It was mortifying, degrading and humiliating. I have been told that I am damaged, I carry too much baggage with me, there is something wrong with me; that it was only sex and to move on and so much more. Men would immediately lose interest as if I am broken or un-datable because I was sexually assaulted; something that happened to me that I had no control over. I am lucky to say that an incredible man found me and who sees me for ME, not what happened to me. To this day he still wakes me out of night terrors, sees and feels my panic, listens to me screaming as I am pushing him away or clawing at him or myself and hears all the explicit details of the assault. He stays up with me late at night as I a flashback hits me or I was afraid of falling back to sleep and comforts me and talks me through a trigger or panic attack while we are out in public or in a crowd when I am triggered or if I see someone that looks like HIM.
Throughout the last 2 ½ years I have just wanted it all to go away and to move on with my life. However, with all the court proceedings, having to relive the assault, every gory detail, having to face my offender each time I was in the courtroom, having to defend my own integrity even when I am being told I am lying by the defence attorney, missing work, all of this has not allowed me to move on. I felt like on object or like I was invisible as I had to sit and listen to everyone talk about me and what I LIVED THROUGH like I wasn’t even there.
I could keep telling you in great detail on other aspects of how the assault has impacted my life; forever changed who I am as a person, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a mother, a partner; AS A WOMAN but I am not looking for pity. I am looking to be heard, a voice telling the world that this happened to me; a voice looking for justice. How I wish I could go back in time and change the events of that night and make it un-happen, but I can’t. I am here today because even though I said NO, it wasn’t enough and I will forever be a survivor of sexual assault. It may become a distant memory over time, but it will never go away. I am now a statistic; I am 1 out of every 4 women that this happens to. I used to think that it would never happen to me, I was a smart woman and would never find myself in this type of situation, but here I am in front of you all today.
To my offender; I have spent so many days and nights wondering why, why me, how could you do that to another human being, why wasn’t NO not enough for you… YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID and the sad truth is that I know those questions will never have any answers because nothing you could say or do would make it better, it cannot be taken back. There are no reasons or excuses that can excuse you for what you did to me that night, what you took from me and how you broke me. You have changed my life forever, destroyed the woman I used to be and stole so much from me. I was your prey; your victim that night but I am here today as a survivor and I will learn over time how to cope with all that I struggle with now and I will move on. You may have broken me but I have finally found something to learn from all of this and from you. I have discovered a courage and strength in me that I never knew existed. You have shown me all the red flags and things to pay attention to and how to avoid this from ever happening again. You have taught me to listen to my gut instincts and above all, you have made me a better mother. I will use what I lived through and what you did to me and make sure that my son is everything you are not. He will be respectful, he will know the difference between right and wrong, he will know he has NO right to put his hands on anyone and vice versa and he will know and understand what CONSENT IS and ALWAYS respect it.
I have struggled with what to say to you if this day were to ever come but I have come to realize that it will make no difference. I feel and believe that if you cared and if you were a good person we wouldn’t be here today and if there was any humanity left in you, you would have accepted responsibility of the crime you committed on me that night. You are no longer worth wasting my breath on, my time on, the emotional and psychological energy wasted on wondering all the above questions. I hope it was worth destroying my life for and for all the effects it has had on those that are in my life. I am no longer your victim and I will share my story with others in hopes that it will make a difference, that maybe it will be a voice helping a victim make it out of that dark place I intimately have come to know, or that maybe it will be a voice preventing another woman from becoming a victim.
Your Honor, I am here today to plead with you to hear my words, to listen to my horrific experience of sexual assault because you are the only one that can hold HIM accountable for what he did to me. For the public humiliation of the trials, for the trauma I have and still do suffer with, please, PLEASE don’t let it all have been for nothing. Please hold him responsible so he never does this again, so that it may encourage future victims of this crime to come forward and to seek justice.
How many women have to experience what I did before WE as a society accepts that this is a major in this world and something needs to change? How many more women have to live through sexual assault and get convictions before the statistics change and that victims feel that they can come forward; to report it and receive justice when they have been so viciously sexually assaulted. After having gone through this entire process myself, I am ashamed to say that I understand why so many women do not come forward; having to disclose their assault in detail to strangers and having to relive it EACH time, the medical exams, court procedures and having to face their assailant every time, to being humiliated and degraded in public, to feel ashamed of what happened TO THEM to only have the chances of their assailant being held accountable is 0.3%. There are 460,000 sexual assaults each year in Canada and out of 1,000 of these only 33 are reported, 29 are recorded as a crime, 12 have charges laid on them, 6 are prosecuted and only 3 lead to a conviction.
I am begging Your Honor to give him no choice but to accept responsibility for the crime he committed against me. Please hold him accountable for taking away my human right to give or in my case to not give consent. Please ensure that he never does this again to anyone else. Please reassure me that I did do the right thing by reporting this to the police and for seeking out justice. Thank you for listening to what I wanted and needed to say, I hope the words I have spoken makes a difference.
Stay Away From Social Dating Sites Victim Says
The victim of a sexual assault wants to warn others about social dating sites.
It was her very first time on a social dating site in 2016.
After reading a man’s bio, the woman felt comfortable enough to send him a message.
“He messaged me back and we just started chatting from there,” said the woman speaking to Today’s Northumberland.
She stated, the man said, “all the right things.”
The man’s bio on the social dating site was an average, normal guy looking for someone to spend time with and a relationship.
She describes him as a decent looking guy, used his manners, well educated, talked about his family.
“I still never expected that to happen.”
The man who had just recently moved to Cobourg and the woman agreed to meet just to walk around Cobourg for an hour.
“It wasn’t a date. It wasn’t a dinner, it wasn’t a movie.”
“It was just a meet to walk around town for an hour.”
During the walk, the woman said, “he was a gentleman.”
When they came to his residence, he said he had to use the washroom and didn’t want to leave her standing outside even though it was still daylight hours.
Once she was inside the apartment she was sexually assaulted.
The man was given two years, less a day, but was released just a few hours later pending an appeal.
“I think nobody should be on them (social dating sites),” said the woman.
“I think you have to be careful with who you talk too. You have no idea who is on the other side of the computer screen.”
If you are meeting someone from a social dating site, make sure it’s in a crowded public area.
“Don’t walk around with them, don’t meet them in a park, don’t meet them at their place, meet them in a restaurant or shopping centre where there are lots of people around.”
“Let other people know, what you’re doing, where you’re going and who you’re going to meet so they know what they look like, and never ever go anywhere by yourself.”
“It’s disgusting that anybody can be anybody on a computer screen. You have no idea what you’re walking into.”
The woman said it was the first time she has ever been on a social dating site and he was the first person she had ever contacted.
“I will never go back on them again.”
Author: Pete Fisher
Has been a photojournalist for over 30-years and have been honoured to win numerous awards for photography and writing over the years. Best selling author for the book Highway of Heroes - True Patriot Love
